im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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