my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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