I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
