I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
