he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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