Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
