the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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