I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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