Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
