I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
