i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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