Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i now understand why vodka
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
