well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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