I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
