Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
