Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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