'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
