What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
