you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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