We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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