Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
