Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
