She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
