And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
