Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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