I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize