She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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