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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
