Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
