for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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