was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
