I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
