Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
