Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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