My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
