we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
