What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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