I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
