So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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