she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
