were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
