He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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