There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
