We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
