Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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