His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
