i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
