the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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