i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
