Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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