If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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