That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
