I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
