Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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