weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
