suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
