It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
