So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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