I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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