ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
