so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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