im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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