my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
