If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize