Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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