Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
