you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
