So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
