im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize